I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
