i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
