Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
