ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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