Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
