Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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