Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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