yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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