OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
