so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
