make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
