went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
