I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
