didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize