dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize