Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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