I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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