I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize