Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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