CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
