Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
