A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
