How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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