Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
