I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
