she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wish I could teleport
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
