I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
