hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
