My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
