just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
