i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
barbara walters just said penis...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
