I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
