smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
