Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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