You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
