I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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