i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
