I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
