I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
