found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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