you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
