So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
