No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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