That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And then my night got REAL pukey
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
