I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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