Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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