so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
