Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize