i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
