strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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