oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
