his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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