yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
