My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
