If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
