i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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