I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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