Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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