my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
