Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
