Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize