rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
