I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
