He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
