i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
