My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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