why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
