i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
