Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
