well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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