you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
