My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
