Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
