You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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