Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
