Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
