1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
