So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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