Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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