I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
