i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
