That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize