Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
