i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
