and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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