I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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