4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
