I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
