if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
