I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
