Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
