I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Non-Jews are for practice
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
