I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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